- CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- CFO— Corporate Fraud Officer.
- BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
- VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
- P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
- BROKER — What my broker has made me.
- STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
- STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
- STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
- FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
- MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
- CASH FLOW— The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
- YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
- WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
- INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
- PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
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